To Love-Gin
by Project Oneiroi
Summary: The story begins with Rito being forced to get a job, and the only place that will take him in is Yorozuya Gin-Chan. Later on a buxom alien princess comes crashing into the Owner's home/office. Adventures unfold with this wacky trio as they stir up trouble in the universe with their outrageous parodies. (Hiatus)
1. Lesson 1

**Welcome to the First story involving the worlds of Gintama and To Love-Ru. Now the first chapter is going to seem somewhat like the first chapter of the Gintama manga but after that it's all a fresh new thing. Now this is the first comedy I've ever wrote so I do ask that you tell me how it is and give me some advice on how to make it seem more... Gintama-ish**

 **It's not decided if there will be harems in this story (even though I'm leaning more to no) but there will be romance.**

 **The last thing I want to discuss is I don't know If I'm going to add any other characters from the Gintama series in here (but other series might make an appearance, and no I don't mean in a parody).**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama, To Love-Ru or anything referenced in this story.**

* * *

 **Working Is Not All About the Salary, So Don't Go Asking For One.**

Sainan City, an ordinary city full of nothing but the ordinary, almost nothing significant happens here. If you were asked to point out the city of Sainan on a map of Japan, you'd probably look for that little black dot with the name 'Sainan' next to it. Pretty dull place… there is almost nothing attractive about this boring old city…?

…

Wait. I'm supposed to make it sound good for the reader?

…

You're expecting too much from this. No one is going to have high expectations about this story so I could describe the city in any way I want to. Sainan City, Roanapur's dirty disease riddled cousin. People here rape and kill one another for sport while drugs were founded here. That's right. Drugs. Not any specific one but the concept itself. Gun and human smugglers are safe in the city as it's appeal is a safe heaven for them and terrorists.

…

I'm not stopping.

…

Why? I'll tell you why! It's because you're telling me how to do my job while I'm in the middle of doing it!

…

How would I feel if Tony heard about this? Who the hell is Tony! Who are you even talking about!

…

Fine! I'll make the place sound more exciting. Sainan, a fictional city in a fictional country with no positive or negative aspects about it. A rather dull place with no guns within a 100 mile radius, yet the possibility of getting shot is still there. The city could even be compared to Switzerland instead of Roanapur. People there don't hate and neither do they love. Very neutral.

…

Ok ok fine! The story's starting point begins… here! The day was ending with the sun slowly making it's way down to set in the west. Even though the day could be described as "over" there was still a few more hours of daylight left. For one individual, the day couldn't go by any faster. Yuuki Rito was currently working at his part time job at a cafe near the center of town named Scab Cats*.

The reason for him getting a job is a very troubling one. Recently, a group of thugs that go by the name of the 'Amato Snakes', have been terrorizing neighborhoods by soliciting money from local businesses and families, for protection, throughout the community. Although they don't have that far of a reach outside of their territory they still have enough control to keep the people quiet due to fear.

Now Rito had to work at a dead end job in order to pay them and stay on the gang's good side. His jobbed involved him working at either the cash register or serving the customers their food and drinks. But every now and then he would get the job to clean the bathroom, and every damn time someone would take the biggest shit and smear it along all the walls.

Rito groaned at the thought of those terrible experiences. Why couldn't he get a break? Why God, why! Just let the poor clumsy pervert experience something good in life! That's all we ask for!

"Hey! Who are you calling a pervert!" Rito yelled out into the close to being empty cafe.

"Yuuki! What the hell are you doing!" Rito turned from his position behind the register to see his boss, fury written across his face. The man was in his late forties and completely bald save for the single hair that stubbornly stuck up straight at the center of his head.

Rito looked at his boss for a minute before turning to look around the cafe to see only three people present at the moment. The boy with orange brownish hair was quite literally confused. Who was he yelling at right now? He could have sworn that someone had just insulted him but… he didn't know who.

"Well you idiot? What are you doing?" His boss continued to ask him. By the sound of his voice he seemed really mad.

"I ah… I don't know." Rito answered his boss.

"You don't know! I'll tell you what you're supposed to be doing! You're supposed to be working, not twiddling your damn thumbs!" His boss bellowed at him as a vein appeared on his shiny forehead.

"Man you guys are loud." A voice caught the two worker's attention. It came from a man in his early twenties wearing a black track jacket and pants complimented with tons of gold chains hanging around his neck. He had a black mullet and a black snake tattoo on his cheek going down his neck. The other man sitting at the table with him was wearing the same thing as him but had a white undershirt on and a black bandana around his head. "Look why don't one of you get me some chocolate milk or something!"

' _Those guys are… Amato Snakes!'_ Rito thought in horror. Just having them in the cafe was not something good. Another thought that crossed his mind is how he didn't take notice to them until they made their presence known.

"Yes, yes of course!" Rito's boss said quickly before pulling a tray with chocolate milk on it out of nowhere. The man quickly pushed the tray into Rito's hands before pushing him out from behind the register. "Yuuki go deliver that nice man his chocolate milk!"

At this point Rito figured that his boss knew who those men were and was trying his hardest to stay on their good side. In order to do the same Rito had to deliver this treaty of treats. As Rito passed by the first Snake, a foot shot out and tripped him. He fell hard and he fell far even the chocolate milk didn't stand a chance against that surprise attack.

Rito's face was halted by the combination of the table behind the Snakes and the cold hard floor. When he had hit the table, Rito could tell he caused something else to fall and spill but that was the least of his worries at the moment. The laughter that came from the gangsters was all that filled his ears. Before Rito could do anything a hand gripped his hair and lifted his head up, his view being filled with his asshole of a boss.

"Yuuki what are you doing!" The boss then turned his attention back towards the two Snakes. "I am so very sorry for this clumsy boys actions! Yuuki apologize now!"

The man was still pulling at Rito's hair as he continued to lift him up until he was on his knees before the gangsters. Before Rito could even utter a word to any of the people there, the sound of foot fall made it's way to them as a shadow fell over the group.

"Hey." Before the boss could comprehend what was happening a fist smashed against his face and sent him flying into the Snake's table. Rito was shocked at the man's appearance as much as the Snakes were.

"Who the hell is this guy!" The man with the bandana yelled as he shoot out of his seat followed by the chain wearing man.

"What's your deal!" The other man shouted at the man. The two watched as he pulled out a bokuto and continued to approach them. "What do you think you're going to do with that wooden sword?"

"Gyaa gyaa gyaa gyaa," The man stepped forward and Rito could finally get a better look at the man. He wore a strange outfit for anyone in modern day Japan; a white yukata with a blue swirl pattern on the bottom and ends of the sleeves, with only the left sleeve being used as the right hanged down past his obi. Over the yukata was a black belt with some left dangling down, it looked like it held the bokuto he now had in his hands. Underneath the yukata he wears a black, red-lined shirt with the collar popped and black pants. His feet are covered by black knee-high boots, buckled around the top and above his foot. His hair was silver-ish blue that was kept in a messy perm style. The man seemed to look straight ahead at the gangsters and passed them with the uncaring look his half lidded eyes gave off. All in all, the man seemed weird to Rito.

"Jeez you don't shut up." The man's voice was deep and held the same uncaring impression as his eyes. "Look what you yakuza cosplayers did because of your joke…"

The two men and Rito looked as the swordsman held up an empty glass with chocolate stains on it. Rito had thought something else spilled asides from the chocolate milk, but that couldn't be the reason why this man was attacking the two men.

"My chocolate sundae… it… freakin' fell!" The perm man swung the sword down on the bandana wearing man's head, slamming it into the floor. Rito stared in horror as the unnamed man was deliberately attacking the Amato Snakes Gang.

"What the hell are you doing! Do you know who we are!" The chain wearing man backed away from the crazed man.

"The doctor said that my blood pressure is too high," The man charged forward with his bokuto ready. "So I can only eat a sundae once a week!"

The final snake fell to the ground before Rito as the man stood with his back to him. The silver haired man slowly turned his head to look back at Rito who stared at him, nervous that he would be the next to feel his wrath.

"Tell the owner, it was good." And with that he walked out of the store. Rito quickly followed the man out of the store to watch him leave on a motor scooter. He was watching the man so intently that he didn't notice five individuals wearing black surround him.

"Hey kid don't move!" Rito was shocked to see more of the Snakes appear at the cafe. "You're that crazy swordsman that went and attacked this cafe huh!"

"Wha… no no, It wasn't me!" Rito tried to redirect their accusation onto the actual culprit but he left the scene as fast as he had entered it. At this point Rito hadn't noticed one of the Snakes leave the group and enter the shop.

"Hey! Kazou and Takashi are knocked out in here!" The Snake that left the group shouted from inside.

"You've done it know kid." The leader of the group said as he glared at Rito.

"I'm telling you it wasn't me! The man who did this already ran away!" He tried to defend his case, but it's very hard to dig yourself out of a grave.

"You should probably try that after you hide the weapon you idiot!" The man stepped closer to Rito, who was shocked to find the bokuto of the attacker, hanging from his waist. "The Boss is going to want to have a word with you."

Rito did the only thing he could think of at the moment. He ran, and he ran fast. The gangsters watched as he made his gallant escape. They all deadpanned as he was basically already a dead man now that he fought with their gang, all they had to do was find him.

"Hey! One of you find out who that kid is!" The leader of the group ordered his men. They complied and entered the cafe to look for anything that could give away his identity.

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The silver haired man was driving to God knows where as he contemplated on his current situation. Now that he wasn't able to get the sweets he needed to survive he might end up dying on the way back home that night. This was a serious situation he was in.

Before he could think more on it, a scream filled is sugarless ears from the distance. Turning his head he saw the same employee of the cafe that bumped into his table and spilled his sundae. Mixed emotions arose inside him but he remembered that it was those yakuza guys who did it. In the boy's hand also happened to be his bokuto as well.

"How dare you make it look like it's my fault!" Rito was now running a few feet behind the scooter. "Now those guys'll be looking for me!"

Those words went in one ear and out the other for the man as he looked at his sword in the boy's hand. "Such an honest guy, coming to give my sword back. It's ok, you can keep it. It's just something I bought on a class vacation anyhow."

"Noooooo! I ran from those gangsters after they accused me of beating those guys!" Rito shouted at the man. "Thanks to you those guys will most likely target me and my family from now on!"

"Not only that but I won't be able to pay them off this month either because you attacked my boss!"

"Ya, you'll probably be fired." Was the man's even response as he started digging around in his nose.

"Are you even listening! They'll target my family! My only sister is 11 years old and now she'll be attacked by them for something I didn't even do!" Rito continued yelling at the man.

"You're making a big deal out of getting fired."

"We're off that subject now! This is about how I'll be able to protect my little sister, maybe someone like you wouldn't understand something like that but," The man turned his head slightly to look at the teen chasing after him. "How can I live with myself when I can't even protect those close to me, damn it!"

The man slammed on the brakes as he had enough of the boy's babbling, coincidentally the back of his scooter hit the boy in his kintama. Rito fell to the ground as his world turned white around him. Silver Perm turned around to look at the teen on the ground who was now clutching his nether regions.

"Stop screaming you carrot top! Stop acting like you're the only unlucky one!" He yelled at the downed teen who was now starting to stand. "You're not the only one who is being threatened by those sweet tooth yakuzas! Start being more positive and move forward!"

"Huh? Rito?" The two turned their heads to the door of the shopping center they had stopped in front of. A young girl with dark brown hair wearing a pink shirt and violet skirt walked out the automatic doors of the store with a couple bags in one hand. "What are you doing? Don't you have work?"

"Ah Mikan, I can explain!" Rito said quickly as he knew one of the reasons he got a job was because of Mikan.

"Oh… Nice to meet you." Perm man said with a straight face.

Before either of the two could do anything, Mikan was in front of Rito yelling in his face about how they needed the money for this month. The perm haired man watched for a minute before climbing onto his scooter, an act that did not go unnoticed by Rito.

"Wait, Mikan! All of this happened because of that guy!" Rito pointed to the perm man who was starting up his scooter. "Hey! Wait!"

"Sorry, I wanna see a drama that's on tonight." The man said over his shoulder. But before he could drive he noticed the second passenger on his vehicle. A smiling little girl who looked like she had enough of her brother and him.

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"I'm really, _really_ sorry." The silver haired man was on his knees before the siblings, currently inside their home. He was sporting a black eye from a little girl who was a lot stronger than she look. "It was my opening scene, so I wanted to make it grand, and... I went out of line! I'm sorry!"

"Apology accepted," Mikan said without a second of hesitation, which shocked Rito.

"Really! Just like that!" Rito asked his sister in surprise.

"But what are we going to do now that Rito lost his job?" Mikan started advancing towards the man who was sweating under her gaze. "You're going to have to pay!"

Mikan grabbed the bokuto that Rito still had and prepared to swing at the man. Seeing that his sister wasn't being rational, Rito grabbed her shoulders and held her back as she started yelling at the man more.

"Mikan calm down!" Rito yelled to his sister.

"Wait, wait, wait, calm down!" The man yelled as he held something out to her. "I think this will cover everything!"

Mikan grabbed the card and looked it over before flipping it around and finding nothing else. Rito grabbed the card and gave it a once over.

"Yorozuya?" Rito looked back towards the man who was still kneeling down before them. "What is this?"

"Allow me to introduce myself," The man stood so he could have a professional conversation with the two. "I'm odd jobs, Sakata Gintoki. I am the founder and boss of Yorozuya Gin-Chan. I'm working a business where I'll take _any_ job. I the 'freelancer', will do anything you need help with."

The now known Gintoki was quickly assaulted by the siblings as they kicked him to the ground. Even though they are usually peaceful, they just couldn't get over what this man had done.

"We're in trouble because of you!"

"Find me a new job!"

"I can't find you a job but I can teach you how to not be nervous during a job interview…"

"We don't want to know!" They both shouted as they kicked him in the face. Gin fell on the floor with a bloody and most likely broken nose.

"Rito what are we going to do." Mikan asked as her mood turned more somber.

"I don't know, but are biggest problem is the Amato Snakes out for my head." Rito said with the same mood as his younger sister.

"So your problem is with those yakuza snakes?" Gin had, within the duration of Rito and Mikan's short conversation, got up and raided their fridge for the chocolate cake they were keeping in there, and was now currently eating it before them with straight eyes.

"Of course it is! And why are you eating our food!" Rito asked Gin who continued to eat the cake.

"I won't make it through the day if I don't eat my sweets." Gin replied like it was obvious to them.

"Ugh… well, yes the problem is with those Snakes." Rito confirmed for the man.

"So why don't you just deal with these yakuza gaisho?"

"Will you stick with one name for them!" Rito yelled at the man. "The reason we can't deal with them is because they're a gang. No one stands much of a chance and the police haven't done anything yet. And don't you have to pay them to?"

"Nope." Gin replied as he handed the empty plate to Mikan who went and took it to the sink.

"Wha… Why!" Rito found it unfair that their was someone in Sainan who didn't have to pay protection money. "Haven't they came to you asking for money?"

"They have, then I asked what I need protecting from," Gin said to the teen who looked at him in surprise. "They made it seem like the shinigami was out for my ass, so I kicked theirs to the curb."

' _At least I'm not the only one being hunted.'_ Rito thought before an idea popped into his mind. "Wait, Sakata-san. You said you'd take any job right?"

"Hmm… ya, I did."

"Then what about this; will you protect us from the Amato Snakes?" Rito asked with slight hope for he and his sister. He remembered how Gin had taken down those two in the cafe so that means he can take care of himself.

"I can do that. But what's the pay?" Gin asked. Rito didn't think about the money, he didn't even have enough to pay those Snakes.

"Wha…?"

"Can't work for free. Witcher's code, and all that." Gin said with full seriousness.

"I uh… I can't pay you now… but," Then another plan came to his mind. "What if I work off my pay… come work for you?"

"Protection and working for me both sound like things for you." Gin made his way over to his bokuto, which Mikan had left against the wall as she took the plate into the kitchen. He picked up the sword and placed it back into his belt, having it secured on his waist. "Huh… seems like you can take that same deal to the Amato."

Gintoki watched with slight interest as Rito got on his knees and placed his head on the ground before him. "Please… I need your help. I can't earn money to pay for protection or pay you, I can't keep a job, I can't even protect my sister from gangsters! The only thing I can do now is beg for your help!"

Gintoki and a hiding Mikan listened to the boy beg the older man for his assistance. Gin looked at him with his usual emotionless expression while Mikan had to cover her mouth to stop a sob from coming out. And why wouldn't she start sobbing? Her brother just threw away his pride and begged a man they didn't even know, all to ask for help.

"Please! Sakata Gintoki!" Rito put everything he had into this. After this he didn't know what he would do.

"I had you pegged wrong kid,"Gin said surprising the teen. "To grovel at another man's feet and beg him to protect your loved ones in your place isn't something easy to do. To throw away your pride takes something special…"

"Huh…?" Rito asked dumbly as he looked up to the older man.

"You did the last thing you thought you could do to protect your sister," Gin continued as the teen continued to stare at him, waiting for his answer. "But I won't take this job."

"Wha-"

"Because there is still something you can do." Gin made his way towards the door and put on his boots before turning back to look at him. "Now you can come with me and face them yourself… or you can continue to grovel until a miracle comes and wipes them all out."

Rito felt his resolve strengthen for the first time in a long time. Gintoki was right, he could face them himself and show them that the people of Sainan had enough of their shit. By the time Rito stood up Gin had already left the house, shocking the teen.

"Wait up, Gin-san!" He yelled as he followed the man out the door into the night.

Mikan had watched her brother follow after the strange man with a small smile on her face. She then moved her attention to the card Gintoki had given to her. ' _Jack of all trades huh…'_

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In a not so much abandoned warehouse in the much so abandoned part of town, a certain sweets loving gang with the unoriginal name of Amato Snakes were busy trying to explain the situation to their boss.

"Hey Boss! We have a problem!" The members that had been at the cafe yelled out as they entered the warehouse.

The sight that greeted them was one full of guns weed, and explosives. The area seemed to be one big pot farm and every gangster inside was holding some form of firearm. They all wore black in a way that copied the style of a yakuza biker. But there was one individual in the building that stood out compared to all the others.

They're wearing a thick black biker suit with yellow decals that makes them completely indistinguishable from a man or a woman. On their head was a black helmet with the same yellow decals and a black tinted face shield. The individual heard the yells of their subordinates and made their way to the guy crying out.

"What is it?" They said in a voice that was not distinguishable between male or female.

"Boss, Kazou and Takashi were attacked by some punk kid with a bokuto!" The man yelled to his boss.

"Have they now? Who is this 'punk' kid?" They asked, intrigued that their men had been taken down by some kid.

"The owner of the cafe he worked at said his name was Yuuki Rito." The man said quickly, hoping they could go find the kid. Personally, he wanted to go and chase after the kid but they had more important things to do. "So Boss, what do you want us to do?"

The Boss looked towards the ground for a moment before lighting a cigarette and placing it in the side vent of his helmet and taking in a large amount of the deadly chemicals. Boss then blew out smoke from the other vent and looked towards the man.

"Go find this Yuuki Rito… and rip his goddamn dick off." The Boss said with no emotion in their voice.

"Ro-Roger that!" He shouted as he gathered all the gangsters in one area and prepared to go on a city wide hunt for the one known as Yuuki Rito.

"Boss! Boss!" Another man ran in with a scared look on his face.

"What is it?"

"There's a kid with a bokuto and a man with a perm outside! They attacked a couple of our guys!" He shouted in hysterics.

"Have they now? Who is this 'punk' kid?"

"Is your dialogue repeating?" The original gangster asked.

"Boss what are we going to do?" The man asked wanting to know what to do in this situation.

"Go find this Yuuki Rito… and rip his goddamn dick off."

"It is! It is! Your damn dialogue is repeating, stop it!" The OG yelled at their boss.

Before any of the gangsters could move the door to the warehouse was blown off it's hinges. Two figures made their way through the open door and stood before the gangsters. One was a high school student with orange brown hair. He held the bokuto limply in his right hand. The man to his right was taller and probably in his late twenties. He stared at the gangsters with a look of boredom while the teen stared at them with a glare. Within seconds every gun was pointed at them, causing the teen to feel a bit uneasy.

"Gin-san this doesn't look good." Rito whispered to the man to his right.

"Yeah same here," Gin agreed as he looked at the amounts of firepower that were being aimed at them. "The writer of this story said there were no guns in a 100 mile radius of this city, so how are they here?"

"That's what's making you uneasy!" Rito whispered to Gin, his face taking on an agitated expression. "What do we do?"

"You already know the plan," The perm man told him. Rito nodded, already having expected them to be hostile once they entered their base.

"W-which one of you is the boss?" The teen tried to hide the quiver in his voice and thankfully it succeeded for the most part.

"What is it?" The boss stepped forward, standing next to all their subordinates.

"Stop sounding like a broken record!" OG shouted.

Rito looked at the man or woman wearing the biker outfit with the helmet. He couldn't get a read on the person which only made him more uneasy. His first thought was to find out who was behind the helmet.

"Can I ask that you remove the helmet, please. I want to talk face to face." Rito asked as politely as he could.

"The Boss doesn't take orders from you, Yuuki Rito! They're the boss and you should be listening to them!" OG shouted at the teen who surprisingly kept his composure.

"Can I ask why your boss is pretending to be the protagonist from Saints Row?" Gin asked the gangsters.

"Are you insulting the boss!"

"This guy is dead!"

"Off with his perm!"

"Have they now? Who is this 'punk' kid?"

"Boss, will you shut the hell up!"

A bang resounded throughout the warehouse as the Boss held a magnum to OG's head. A second later he dropped to the ground, dead, with a hole through his head. Rito looked at the sight with wide eyes while Gin's widened only slightly, so they were now three fourths lidded.

"Never tell me what to do." Was the hissed out rebuttal of a gender-less voice. "Now I'm glad you came Yuuki Rito, because it saves me the time of hunting you down."

"Gin-san! The plan? The plan, do we do it now?" Rito asked as he never took his eyes off Boss.

"Calm down Rito," Gintoki placed his hand on Rito's right arm. "Everything will go according to plan!"

When Gin finished he forced Rito's arm in a horizontal arch motion, that looked as if Rito was the one who made the movement. The bokuto flew out of Rito's hand and spun through the air, towards the gangsters. The bokuto destroyed all the guns aimed at them or knocked them out of their hand's, including the Boss's revolver. The sword made one more arch before the blade implanted into the ground before Rito.

The gangsters looked at the teen wide eyed as he reached for the sword and removed it from the ground. Rito glared at them, scaring most of them and causing some to back up.

"Leave Sainan… or else." Rito said in a low and commanding tone.

The Boss looked on from behind their helmet's visor and stared directly at Rito. They reached up to take a puff from the cigarette but was surprised to find it missing from the vent it was left in.

"What is… it?" The Boss's voice turned to one of horror as they looked over in the direction of the large pot farm. Everyone else looked to see what it was, and soon looked on wide eyed at what was about to occur.

The cigarette was spinning its way through the air before landing directly on the pot farm. Within a couple of seconds, the entire thing was blazing and setting fire to the rest of the warehouse.

"Tha- Gin-san look!" Rito pointed over towards were the fire was spreading, which happened to be a pile of crates. On the crates it read 'Explosive'. Gin had a tough time reading the crates as the smoke from the weeds had been filling his lungs.

All he could think about was getting a shit load of chocolate covered chips. Not chips covered in chocolate. Not chocolate chips covered in chocolate. But Chips Ahoy covered in chocolate. But when Rito pointed out that the fire was heading towards the crates marked explosive he knew he had to do something.

Gintoki grabbed Rito's collar and ran for the door they had come from and immediately exited the building. Gin turned around and quickly locked the door with a padlock and ran full speed away from the building, a stumbling Rito in tow.

Within a minute, the sound of explosions filled the air as the building was engulfed in flames. Whether the gangsters got out or not didn't matter to them, considering they were the antagonists of the story.

"Freeze!" Gin and Rito immediately threw their hands into the air as the two were encompassed in a bright light. When their eyes adjusted to the light, they were surprised to see police cars surrounding them.

"Rito! Gin-san!" To Rito's surprise, Mikan ran out from behind the cop cars and towards the two. A few police followed after her as firefighters made their way to the burning building. "Rito I'm so happy you're alright!"

"Wha… alright? Ya. I'm uh… I'm going to be alright." Was his reply which confused the girl.

"Sir I'm going to have to ask you to come with me." An officer walked up to Gin who still kept his arms in the air.

"Aren't you going to say you're happy I'm alright?" He asked as he was pulled away by the cop.

"No, now get moving!" He led him to one of the parked cars.

"Ah… Gin-san!" Rito said in surprise as he watched his new friend get taken away by the police. The teen looked towards his sister with pleading eyes, asking her what he should do. "Mikan…"

"Go with him." She told him with a smile.

"What do you mean I'm being taken in!" Gin shouted from the distance.

"You found something in him, right?" Mikan asked. Rito looked at his sister in surprise.

"What do you mean it's because I assaulted two people! Where did I ever do that!"

"Go ahead and find a way to protect what you want." The girl continued as Rito continued to stare in surprise, although he was starting to lose focus because of the pot.

"At the Scab Cat Cafe? I've never heard of it!" Rito turned away from his sister to where Gin was starting to fight off a group of police officers. The teen started his way over to his friend before it became a run to help him and at least try to clear things up between him and the law. Rito didn't know what his future held but he knew there was going to be a fair share of hardships, and he was ready to face them, together with his friend.

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 ***Scab Cat is a parody of the confectionery store Stray Cats from the manga Mayoi Neko Overrun! which is drawn by the same artist as the To Love-Ru series.**

 **Amato literally means Sweet Tooth.**

 **Gaisho translates to street prostitute.**

 **If you enjoyed the story then leave a review. If you have ideas for any odd jobs that the Yorozuya could do then PM. And if you truly enjoyed it make sure to favorite it. Until Lesson 2.**

 **Ja Ne**


	2. Lesson 2

**And now we're here with the second installment of this story. Hope you enjoy!**

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 **Beautiful Starry Nights Make A Great Background For Tricking The Stupid**

"Ugggggggggghhhhh!" Rito groaned as he walked down the street to his destination. Thankfully the place wasn't that far from his school, or his home now that he thought about it. If he didn't know better, he'd say some mystical force placed the building in an accessible area for his own convenience... back on topic. "I thought my heart would beat straight out of my chest!"

That's right to anyone who might have guessed it! Rito had tried to confess to his long time crush, Sairenji Haruna; or when Rito talks to her 'Sairenji', or when he is fantasizing about her he refers to her as 'Haruna-chan'. Well it doesn't matter what he calls her or if he's saying her name out his ass, the fact of the matter is… he didn't succeed in confessing to her.

Maybe if he tried the same thing again another day. They say a tenacious man is one who doesn't stop cutting until the twitching stops. Rito will just have to try again next time. Go get her buddy!

Now his failure brings him to his next set of troubles. Work. At Yorozuya Gin-Chan. Rito had been working with the natural permed man for around a month, and surprise, surprise… he has yet to be payed! Gin and himself have only gone on a few jobs since the Snakes incident, but they were payed. Where that money had gone he had only the slightest of clues.

Gintoki was what you'd call a man of few things. He either spends his time sleeping, reading Jump, or what Rito had found out just recently…

' _I still can't believe that bastard gambled away all of our money, and on pinchiko too!'_ Rito screamed in his head. "What gives him the right to just gamble away my paycheck! Some day that game is going to take everything he has."

Rito was approaching the building quickly when he saw that his boss was fighting with an old man. The man was wearing a grease stained white shirt with dark blue jeans. The old man seemed to be demanding something from the samurai as he was gesturing wildly with his hands. Rito knew of Gin's money troubles, and only one scenario played out in his mind on what the old fart was yelling about.

"What the hell do you mean, 'not this month'!" The old fart yelled as Gintoki scratched at his head in irritation.

"It means not this month! Are you so senile that you can't remember the meaning of that?" Gintoki replied snarkily with a grin plastered on his face. The man had a plan, and he knew just how to go about it.

You see, the old fart's name is Shouta, and he runs a bar named the 'Old Hermit' just below Gin's office. The man is also his landlord who has been renting out the space above his bar to Gintoki and his business. Now the perm man's plan is to use Shouta's weakness against him. The man happened to be senile, so much so that he forgets his own name on occasions. But the one thing he never forgets is the rent money.

"Now listen here Sakata-baka," Shouta shoved his wrinkled old finger into Gin's chest. "You try this same old trick every month! Now I know my memory is not what it used to be, but I _do_ know that you never pay up!"

"Now, now, Ojiisan." Gin reached into his yukata and removed a white envelope that he had been keeping for some time. The only thing written on it was the words 'From the State'. Shouta looked at the envelope for a second and tried to think about what the words meant.

' _Sakata-baka is trying to pull something, I just know it! But why would he have an envelope that say's from the state?'_ Shouta stared for a minute before he reached out his hand. He stopped halfway there before he looked left… then right… then he looked back at the man with the silver perm in front of him. "Sakata-baka? What were we just talking about?"

' _PERFECT!'_ Sakata-baka yelled in his head as the man had a lapse in his memory.

"I was just going to get you when you happened upon my door," Gin said in a cool voice, flashing the envelope before the old man. "I wanted to give you something."

Shouta grabbed the envelope and looked it over before looking back up at Gintoki. "What is it?"

"It's the rent. I wanted to deliver it to you myself." Gin had a sly smirk on his face as the old man examined the envelope again before making his way down the wooden stairs. He stopped and looked back up at the samurai with a smile on his face.

"It's good to see that you finally grew up, Sakata-baka." Shouta said with a tone that screamed 'I stand above you'. "Oh… you should also think about growing out of that haircut. It's just terrible."

Gintoki looked at the man with the face of someone who has given up all ability to argue. He felt like total shit now. The fool of an old man had fallen for his decoy but had succeeded in ultimately reducing his good mood too almost nothing.

"Gin-san!" The man looked down to the street and saw his employee making his way to his office. Gin stared down in horror when he saw the teen coming closer, there was only one thought that went through his head at the sight of Rito.

' _This hentai came for his paycheck! It's said that teens who don't get what they want go onto a war path! He won't stop chasing his prey until he catches it, and in this case the money I don't have is his target! So the only thing a prey can do is… RUN AWAY!'_

Rito watched as Gin tried to vault over the railing of the second floor balcony, in what he assumed was a terrible attempt to escape. Gintoki's foot had skillfully caught the railing causing him to fall straight to the ground, face planting onto said ground.

' _What was his plan?'_ Rito stared with a blank expression on his face. Gin twitched on the ground as he finally found the strength to push himself up.

"I'll see you inside," Rito watched in astonishment as Gin appeared before the door to his home, and simply walked in like nothing ever happened.

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"Soooo… what was that about?" Rito asked as he sat down on one of the couches in Gin's home. He was opposite to Gintoki, who was laid out across the other couch staring at the small corner TV, a finger digging around in his nose.

"Ojiisan came for the rent," Gin replied as he watched some drama that happened to be on at that time.

"And you actually… paid. On time?" The teen looked at the man, not believing that the man before him actually had the decency, or the money, to pay on time. Honestly, Rito couldn't figure out how Gintoki even had his home at this point.

"Of course I did," Gin flicked a booger at Rito, who dodged it in time. "Don't take me for some cheap crab who won't even pay a dime."

"... What was in the envelope?"

Gintoki moved his eyes away from the TV and looked at Rito.

"..."

"..."

"Yen?"

"At least sound sure of yourself when you lie!" Rito pointed an accusing finger at the man who immediately got on the defensive.

"I am sure! There was something in there involving yen!"

"So there _wasn't_ any yen in there!"

"That old man should be thankful," Gintoki crossed his arms and leaned back on the couch. "He'll get into Heaven because of the good dead he'll do."

"So you're making him do something!"

"Some advice Rito, parking tickets don't pay for themselves." Rito looked at Gin in disbelief. He was throwing down words of wisdom like he was some ideal citizen.

"What will you do when he comes back for the money?"

"I'll run away and hide for a little while." Not even a blink. Gin had the answer ready, all Rito had to do was ask the question.

"Then what about _my_ paycheck?"

"I'm not going to pay someone who sits around all day with a natural perm, and reads Jump." The samurai told him while going back to the TV.

' _You just described yourself!'_ Rito didn't know if this was real or some lame excuse for a comedic fan-fiction. Sighing; Rito stood and made his way towards the fridge to see if there was anything to eat. When he opened it, he was meet with mostly drinks and barely any food. The first two shelves in the fridge had multiple types of beer, the other shelf had only strawberry milk on it.

"Is this all you have?"

"Do you only ask questions?"

Rito's brow twitched at the remark as he felt his stress level rise. Working at Yorozuya has been the most work he has have been given, and they don't do much. His job at this point is being apart of Gin's comedy routine.

Resigning to having something to drink, he grabbed a strawberry milk and opened the top. He made his way back to the main room and went to sit on the couch. But before he could step into the room, his curse kicked in and his feet tripped over themselves.

Rito plummeted to the floor, gaining his boss's attention. As Rito attempted to get up, the strawberry milk he had opened, made it's appearance again, landing on Rito's head. His orange brown hair being stained in a light pink.

"Hey Rito! You better drink that, It's not good to waste strawberry milk!" Gin told the boy who again sighed.

The annoyed teen stood up, head drenched in pink deliciousness. Rito looked at his boss who had again lost interest in what was happening, mostly involved in the drama he was watching.

"Ugh… Gin-san, can I use your bath?" Rito asked the man. The silver haired man turned to look back at the teen. He flinched back as he saw all the strawberry milk dripping off his hair; all that delicious milk, wasted.

"Sure, but make it quick. I don't want Mikan hunting me down just to find you." The last time that had happened, Rito hadn't been home for dinner and Mikan had gotten worried, so she came after them. This was all during a job and Mikan ended up becoming the main antagonist for that who experience. It was terrible.

"Hai, hai." Rito quickly made his way to the tub in the washroom and started running the water. Within minutes he was undressed and cleaning himself in the tub. "Dammit, this stuff is sticky."

Like the boy complained, the strawberry milk was making it difficult. Rito was scrubbing so furiously that he hadn't noticed the bubbles that started to form in the bathtub. Soon they were popping up everywhere, drawing the boy's attention.

"Wait, is this a hot tub?" The next minute the water exploded up and out of the tub, blinding the teen with very hot water. "Aaaaaarrrgggggggggg! I'm blind!"

"Rito keep it down!" Gin yelled into the bathroom. He didn't know what the teen was doing and he doubted he wanted to.

Rito heard Gin but couldn't respond, because of what, or he should say who, was in the tub with him. Standing between his legs was a well endowed girl with long pink hair. The girl was stretching her arms into the air, pushing out her naked chest. Blood rushed to Rito's cheeks as he realized that this beautiful girl was naked, and in the same tub as him.

"Escape successful!" The girl said with a large smile on her face. She opened her emerald green eyes and saw that she wasn't alone. There was a boy with orange hair and a deep blush on his face staring up at her with wide eyes. Figuring that it was best to be polite, she spoke first. "Hello."

"Gyyyaaaa!" Rito stumbled out of the tub and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around himself. He flew out of the room and made his way over to Gin, who still had yet to leave the couch. "Gin-san! Gin-san!"

"What? Why are you half dressed? Wait, don't tell me it's Mardi Gras. Rito I don't have any bead necklaces to give to you." Gintoki told the teen who had a look of panic on his face.

"G-Gin-san t-there is a naked g-girl in there." He told his boss who raised a brow at that.

"Ok Rito… I figured it was about that time; and I don't think Mikan wants to go through this with you, so it's about time you learned about the birds and the bees." Gin sat up and patted the seat next to him.

"Gin-san this is no time for jokes! Come on, there really is someone in there!" Rito started pushing the bored Gin towards the bath.

"Fine I'll go take a look," Gintoki started walking on his own towards the room. When he entered, as expected, there was no girl in the tub. Only Rito's destroyed dreams. "Where is this girl?"

"Wha… but… she was here. I swear Gin-san, I'm not crazy!" The teen pleaded his case but Gin wasn't listening, he walked off without looking at him.

"I might need to tell Mikan about this." Gin mumbled just loud enough to himself.

The two made their way back to main room but were surprised to see someone sitting in Gin's spot on the couch. How she got there was beyond either of them. Rito recognized her instantly as the girl from the bathroom, and the girl also seemed to recognize him as well.

"I'm going to borrow this, okay?" The girl said with a smile while Rito hid behind Gin.

"It's her, Gin-san it's her! I told you!"

"Nope." Gin said gaining a weird look from Rito and the strange girl's attention.

"What do you mean 'nope'?" The evidence was right in front of him! How was he denying it?

"Nope, nope nope nope! This isn't happening, Rito!" Gin turned around and placed both hands on Rito's shoulders. "A mysterious and hot girl dropping into our lives? Rito, were not that lucky! Life isn't a Jump manga!"

After Gin's rambling they heard light chuckles from behind them. Turning around they saw the towel clad girl laughing, most likely at them. She noticed them staring at her and immediately sat up straight with a smile on her face.

"Sorry, it's just that you E-arthlings are really funny," She told the two, surprising Rito at being identified as an E-arthling.

"It's Earthling, got it." Gin corrected her mistake, although it looked like she wasn't listening.

"What do you mean by Earthling?" Rito asked the girl.

"I mean it because you're aliens, or I would be considered the alien for you two." She told them. Rito was shocked while Gin was more annoyed at the mispronunciation.

"An alien?" The orange haired one asked, not quite believing it even though she appeared in his bath.

"Yep," She stood up and turned around while lifting the towel she had on. Rito had to cover his eyes, and nose, when she started to show them a part of a girl she should only show her husband. "See! People on this planet don't have tails right? But don't worry, I won't transform during a full moon."

"Hmmm… I haven't seen anyone with something like this before." Gin was behind the girl and looking at her tail. It was a long dark tail that ended in a spade shape for the tip, and was moving around in a random fashion. It was definitely real, that's what Gin had figured out. The only thing they really didn't know about the girl now was…

"Is it custom on your planet to show your derriere to someone before you introduce yourself?" The perm headed man asked.

"Oh! I'm sorry, where are my manners?" The girl lowered the tail and turned back around, signaling that Rito can uncover his eyes. "I'm Lala Satalin Deviluke from Planet Deviluke."

"So… you really are an a-alien." Rito said while a look of horror crossed his features. "Please don't kill us Overlord-sama! We are yours to command!"

"That fast!" Gin watched as his employee gave in almost immediately.

"Don't worry, I'm not here to take over your planet silly." Lala said, easing the boy's nerves seeing as he was almost terrified at the fact she was an alien.

"Why are you here?" Gin asked seeing that there must've been a reason she appeared in his home, naked.

Lala looked down with a sullen look on her face. The fact that she grabbed her wrist didn't escape Gin's eyes, he noticed she was holding a weird looking bracelet. The alien took a few moments to answer the man while she thought back to some events that had happened.

"I'm being chased. I thought I would be safe coming to E-arth,"

"It's just Earth, got it!" Gin interrupted but it didn't seem like the girl wasn't listening, again.

"But my pursuers followed me here, I was about to be taken but I happened to use this," Lala showed her wrist and the bracelet that she was holding before. "Pyon Pyon Warp-Kun. I can't specify the destination, but this makes it possible for a living unit to warp a short distance."

"W-warp?" Rito asked still finding this whole situation unbelievable.

"Yep, I used this in the spaceship's bathroom and happened to warp into your house." Lala spoke to Rito who was scratching the back of his head. Gin throughout the duration of the conversation had made his way to his desk, and was currently resting on his chair, feet propped onto the desk.

"Well this isn't really my house…" Rito said while Lala threw him a curious stare. "It's actually Gin-san's home and office.

"Oh," Lala turned back towards Gin and smile at him. "I used this in the spaceship's bathroom and hap-"

"You don't need to repeat it!" Rito smacked the air and yelled at the bubbly girl. It took a minute for Rito to remember that said girl was currently wearing nothing but a simple towel, and he was also dressed in nothing but a towel. "A-anyway! Hurry up and find some clothes!"

As he said that, the two watched as he must've broken some record as he reappeared in a fresh set of clothes. While everyone was distracted by Rito, they didn't notice a window being opened and a figure fly in.

"Lala-sama!" A small white figure with spirals for eyes flew into the main room, surprising the occupants by it's appearance. "I'm so happy you're fine, Lala-sama!"

"Peke!" Lala proclaimed happily as the thing flew into her open arms for a hug.

' _A… a flying plushy?'_ The humans thought with shadows covering their eyes. It was one of the weirdest things they have ever seen.

"I'm happy that you're fine too!" Lala told the 'plushy'.

"Yes, I was lucky to escape through a window and make my way down to the planet." Peke told Lala who beamed a smile at knowing there wasn't any problems with the escape. It didn't take long for Peke to notice the two other members in the room. "Lala-sama, who is that stupid looking human? And who is that dead fish-eyed human?"

"Hm, oh that one bathes here and that one lives here." Lala pointed to Rito and then to Gin respectively. "That also reminds me, I haven't gotten to ask what your names are yet."

"Oh… uh, it's Rito." Rito introduced himself lamely.

"Sakata Gintoki, my dream is to one day become the world's greatest swordsman." Gin introduced himself, prompting Rito to face palm.

"Oh, and this here is Peke."

"Nice to meet you two." Peke gave the two a quick wave.

"He's an 'all-purpose costume robot' that I made." The alien told the two who looked at the machine with curious eyes. The next second Rito's eyes were bulging out of his head at the sight of a towel-less Lala.

"Hey! Put your towel back on!" Rito tried to cover his eyes but kept finding himself looking, out of curiosity of course.

"Rito make sure you pay attention." Gintoki told the teen who had found an excuse to turn his head towards his boss, who was looking directly at the naked girl.

"Why! And stop looking Ero-perm!" Rito was blushing madly as he knew that there was a completely naked and foreign girl behind him.

"This is how you gain experience! Do this for your… Haruna-chan!" He exclaimed. Rito saw Gin in a beam of light and the words spoken sounded like they had come from the mouth of God himself.

"H-Hai, Gin-san!" Rito turned back around and saw Lala being encompassed by a bright light and Peke missing. ' _I missed the chance! Haruna-chan I'm sorry!'_

As the light died down, Lala was now standing in a fresh pair of clothes. The suit was a literal 'dress form' of the robot Peke, including a frilly skirt, and a hat that was Peke's head with his spiral eyes and wings appearing on it.

"Tada!"

"Lala-sama, it's not too tight?" Peke's voice came from the hat as Lala checked over the dress.

"It's perfect! I'm glad you came so quickly!" She said bringing her attention back to the humans. "Without Peke, I have no clothes to wear. How is it? Does it look nice, Rito, Gintoki?"

"Uh… yeah." Rito said but was thinking the complete opposite. ' _What an embarrassing outfit!'_

"You look like a circus." Came Gin's reply, shocking Rito at his bluntness.

"Thank you, Gintoki!"

"Don't take it as a complement!" Rito screamed at the innocent girl.

"You're welcome."

"Don't pretend like you meant it as a complement!" Rito was starting to lose his mind because of all the events happening today.

"What do you plan on doing now, Lala-sama?" The robot asked from it's perch on the girl's head.

"About that, I have a few ideas." Rito felt like she was starting to forget both Gintoki and himself were even there. Looking over to his boss; Rito could tell the man didn't even care considering that he was now reading a Jump magazine.

A sound of a door being broken sounded throughout the "house". In the next few moments two men came bustling into the main room on both sides of Lala. They were both wearing black suits with matching black shades. The only thing that made the two different was that one is dark haired and the other is a blonde with a scar over his left eye. Rito almost began to freak out when he noticed two matching tails with spear tips at the end.

"Rito I understand that there is an attractive girl your age right in front of you, but make sure not to be your clumsy self and make a fool of yourself." Gin spoke up from behind his reading material.

"It's not me Gin-san!" The teen yelled out while Lala had a bashful blush on her cheeks from the compliment. The two then remembered the appearance of the other aliens and quickly turned their attention to them.

"What a troublesome lady." The blonde haired man spoke out in a grunt. "I should have tied your legs and arms together before we ever tried leaving this planet."

Lala looked at the man with half lidded eyes before she turned her attention up towards her robotic hat. Somehow even though he was a machine, Peke was sweating up a storm and looking beyond nervous.

"Peke,"

"Y-yes?" The robot flinched as he heard Lala's cold, emotionless, voice. If Peke had the function to urinate, he'd probably have wet himself by now.

"Didn't I tell you to be careful about people following you?"

"...Yes."

"You stupid robot! Everything is ruined now!" Lala screamed as she started throwing her arms in exaggerated movements. If the situation wasn't so tense it could have been described as comical.

The sound of an exaggerated turning of a page filled the room as they all turned their attention to the permed man. "Will you kids tone it down," Another exaggerated turn of a page was made by the man as he demanded that they stay quiet. "Gin-san is trying to read."

"Can you not _read_ the atmosphere!" Rito and the two men in suits yelled at the samurai.

"Seriously Gin-san, can't you get over her and help out?" The teen didn't need a brain to know that these men were strong. The only chance they had was if Gintoki actually paid attention to the situation.

"Well… are you prepared now?" One of the men asked as Lala backed away from them.

"Lala-sama why not use the bracelet again?" Peke questioned, just as nervous as his creator.

"I can't. Pyon Pyon Warp-Kun takes a whole day to recharge after one use." Lala was starting to see this as a hopeless situation. There really wasn't anything she could think of at the moment, and running would only lead her to getting caught. She didn't want to go back! And there is no way that they would take her!

While she was thinking each of the men grabbed one of her arms. She tried to break free but they were a lot stronger then her. "It's time to go!"

"No… let go!" Lala managed to break one of her arms free and was trying to free her other one, but the grip got stronger. "Let go of me!"

"Arg!" Lala felt the grip on her arm slacken as the man in front of her fell to the ground, clutching his arm.

"Will you stop making so much noise. My neighbors are going to start wondering what I do in here." The room's occupants stared in shock as Gin was standing behind the downed alien, bokuto resting on his shoulder. His eyes were still half lidded, but there was a certain ferociousness to them which sent a slight shiver down the men's spines, and a blush to Lala's cheeks.

"What do you think you're doing E-arthling!" The other pursuer questioned as he got into a defensive stance. He failed to notice the twitch of the silver haired man's brow at being called and E-arthling.

"It's Earthling, got it!" Gin smacked the man across the face with his bokuto, finally having lost it at the mispronunciation of Earth.

"Gin-san!" Rito was happy to see his boss doing something about the situation, and proud that his boss easily dealt with the Devilukians with ease.

"Rito get this girl out of my house." Gintoki ordered the teen who looked at him surprised.

"H-hai! But what about you?" There was a slight hesitation in his voice but he was ready to do his job.

"I'm going to get something to drink and forget that tonight ever happened." Rito and Lala watched as Gin left the room to look for a drink, Rito sweat dropped while Lala observed the man.

Before she could tell what was happening she was being dragged out of the house by Rito. They were soon running down the street, if the men were following them or not wasn't really a concern at this point.

"Rito… why?" Lala asked as she stared at the teen's back.

"I don't know! I can't really say the same for Gin-san, but… in a situation where a girl is about to be kidnapped right in front of my eyes… I can't just stay quiet and let it happen!" Rito was to focused on getting Lala as far away from the men as possible that he didn't notice they had passed by a purple haired girl.

"Huh… Yuuki-kun? Who was that with him?" Sairenji Haruna asked as she watched them disappear into the distance.

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Gintoki burped as he finished off a bottle of some nameless alcoholic beverage. "I'm glad that they're gone, now I can finish this in peace." The man pulled out his Jump magazine and started where he left off.

"Sakata-baka!" His door was kicked in by his forgetful landlord, Shouta. "Do you think you can trick me with an envelope full of parking tickets!"

"It took you this long to figure it out!" He yelled in surprise as the man made his way towards him. "On second thought, maybe Rito could use some help."

With that he dashed out of the room, put on his boots, and made his way onto the streets. He didn't know what way Rito went, but he was feeling lucky.

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Rito stood in shock at what was taking place. He had taken Lala to the park before the goons had caught up and cornered them. Not to long after, a UFO had made its appearance above them, and from the ship a man dressed in a medieval arm with silver hair came down and now stand before them. The situation wasn't looking good for either him or Lala.

"Lala-sama please stop running away," The man wearing the armor said as he stepped forward causing Lala and Rito stepped back. "You have to come back home."

"She's not going any-" Home? Rito turned to look at the girl who was looking more and more fed up with the situation. "What does he mean?"

"No! I'm not going back Zastin, I don't care what Daddy wants, I'm not going to meet anymore husband candidates!" Lala yelled at the man while Rito's eyes went half lidded and bags formed under his eyes.

"That… that's the reason for this," All emotion left his voice as he felt like his whole mission was for naught.

"But Lala-sama, it's your duty as Princess of Deviluke to choose the next King of the Galaxy. The person who will rule over all the planets and their people." Zastin pleaded with the now known Princess. Lala, though, was not having it.

"No, they don't even care about me! All they care about is Daddy's thrown!" Lala told the knight who looked at her shocked.

"That's not true Lala-sama, please just come back home." He tried once more but Rito moved in front of the girl, surprising her and gaining a glare from Zastin.

"Move human, what's happening here does not concern you." The knight ordered him, but Rito didn't budge.

"It concerns him more than you think." Attention was turned away from Rito and towards the lone figure standing a few meters away from both sides, a finger digging around in his nose while his other arm was slung inside his yukata.

"Gin-san!" The teen yelled surprised at the appearance of his boss.

"Gintoki…" Lala whispered as she stared at the older man.

"Boss, this is the man who confronted us before the boy ran away with Lala-sama." The dark haired Devilukian said to his silver haired boss. Zastin looked at the man, sizing him up in case he happened to be a threat. There was only a few things that bothered him: one was his relaxed stance, even in the tense atmosphere. The other was his eyes, their half lidded-ness made him look like an idiot but there was a fight behind it. The last was the wooden sword at his side, not a dangerous weapon unless wielded as such.

"Gin-san, how did you know we were here?" Rito asked the obvious as Gin looked over towards his employee.

"Besides me following the UFO?" He asked which Rito felt stupid for asking. "It went a little something like this…"

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Gin was sprinting down the street, not exactly knowing which way he was meant to go he mainly just ran in any direction his gut told him to. It wasn't until a few minutes later that he saw a purple haired girl walking her dog down the street that he got an idea. Slowing down when he approached, he got her attention and shocking her slightly.

"Excuse me Miss, did you happen to see which way a boy with orange hair and girl with pink hair ran off to?" Gin asked in his most polite voice in order to get a fast answer.

"Uh… ya… they ran that way," Haruna pointed behind her in the direction Rito and the girl ran. "They were being followed by a few men in suits. Are they in any sort of trouble?"

"No, no no no. The boy just won an all expense paid trip to the Caribbean and he along with a few travel agents were preparing for the trip." He told the girl who nodded her head dumbly, not sure if she should believe the man. "Thank you!"

Haruna watched as the man raced off in the direction she had told him, a brow raised. She wasn't sure if the man was lying, although his response seemed sarcastic, but she was sure that Rito would be fine.

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"And that's what happened." Gin finished his tale as Rito face palmed.

"Will you take things more serious, please Gin-san!" Rito cried out. He was lucky that his boss didn't tell Haruna what was actually happening, because she might think he was weird for running around with an alien girl.

"Let's get back on topic," Zastin was glaring towards the samurai, who in turn stared right back at him. "What did you mean earlier?"

"What do you mean what did I mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean!" Zastin comically yelled at the man.

"Hai, hai. What I meant was that this is our business too." Gin made sure that Zastin and Lala heard each of his words clearly. "If Lala were to chose a bad candidate, that action would also be bad for people on the planets he would rule."

Lala was staring at Gin happily as he defended her case, her hands were clenched over heart as she felt it beat faster.

"Marriage is a beautiful thing, you can't force it upon someone who doesn't want to get married." Gin walked over towards both Rito and Lala until he stood protectively before them, bokuto still in his hand. "I wouldn't care if you were making her do this while off Earth, but… while someone's way of life is being threatened before me, I'll fight tooth and nail to defend it."

"Why would you do something like that?" Zastin questioned, surprised by the samurai's words.

"Why? Because all I want to do in life is live the way I want." Gin replied surprising many there. Rito and Lala stared at Gin's back as he faced the three men for them. "So if you think you can take Lala…"

Gin stabbed his bokuto into the ground before him, making it clear that he was not moving from that spot.

"Take her."

Zastin had gained a slight respect for the human and his ideology, although he appeared an idiot it all was just there to mask what the man was truly capable of. Lala looked at the Gin's back, a feeling rising within her that she never felt for anyone outside her family. She didn't even notice the blush that had rushed to her face.

"... What I think doesn't matter. This is the King's wish." Zastin stepped forward, making Gin pull his sword out of the ground and prepare for a fight.

"Gin-kun." Gin looked back at the pink haired girl, ignoring the 'kun' placed at the end of his name. "Let me finish Zastin. This is my fight."

Gintoki obliged and backed away, Rito following after him with a smile on his face. "Why can't you be like this all the time?"

"I'm always like this."

"Zastin, I'm not going back!" The princess pulled out what looked like a pink flip phone, and started pressing buttons on it. "Go Vacuum-Kun!"

Out of the tiny little phone came a giant metal octopus. It had glowing yellow eyes and a mouth that looked like it was meant for high powered suction. In between the eyes was a strange symbol that Gin and Rito assumed was meant for the Devilukian race.

"If that thing starts attacking school girls, I'm leaving!" Gin yelled to no one in particular. He lived in Japan, he has seen things that could turn a boy into a man. And tentacle hentai was something not even all the beer in the world could make you forget. And believe it, Gintoki tried.

Zastin and his two men backed up at the sight of the machine. They worked for the King long enough to know that Lala's machines were not meant to messed with.

"Go, suck them up!" As per ordered the machine started sucking up the guards, and the trash, and the benches, and the trees. The vacuum was sucking up everything around it, including the ground.

Gin and Rito felt themselves lose their footing on the ground and get sucked towards the machine with no struggle from either of the two.

"It's getting even stronger!" Gin yelled in panic as he was getting pulled closer.

"Lala, hurry and turn this thing off!" Rito ordered the girl. Lala was hovering above the machine and out of it's suction, her head was resting on her hand as she looked at her machine in thought.

"What's wrong? Lala-sama?" Peke asked.

"... How do I turn this off again?"

"Rito, I have a plan!" The perm headed man yelled as he turned to look at the machine.

"Do it!" He yelled, fearing that the machine would actually get them.

"Kamehame-" Gin cupped his hands and prepared for his counter attack. "HA!"

"..."

"... It didn't work."

"Of course it didn't!"

Both of them were sucked into the machine's mouth but then stopped as they entered it. They were stuck inside and blocking off it's suction which didn't bode well in the long run. It may look funny from the outside, their legs kicking wildly while the vacuum kept getting larger but it was anything but funny.

"This doesn't look good," Lala said as she watched her machine expand beyond it's limits. Within the next second the machine exploded, sending metal flying everywhere. Lala quickly descended to the ground in search of both Gintoki and Rito.

"Gin-kun! Rito-san!" Lala heard a groan from behind her and saw a soot covered Rito and Gin. Though Gin had more damage done to him. He stood up quickly, his now burnt and puffy hair blowing in the wind. Lala couldn't keep it in her as she saw the spectacle, and quickly lost it.

"Hahaha… Gin-kun looks… looks so-" Gin's eye twitched as the girl burst out into another giggle fit. Having lost it, he ran up and slammed his fists into her temples and started grinding into them.

"This isn't funny! Why didn't you turn that thing off, we could have died!" Gin yelled while still drilling his fists into the sides of her head.

"Stop that! You can't treat Lala-sama that way!" Peke yelled at the man.

"Ouch~ Gin-kun stop…" Gin stopped when asked and backed away from the girl, who was rubbing her head and had a large pout on her face. "I couldn't remember how to turn it off, it's been a long time since I made it."

"Whatever… anyways, have a safe trip home." Gin said before he started walking away.

"What? What do you mean?" Lala asked as she started to follow after Gin.

"I mean you should go home." He looked over his shoulder and saw the surprised look on her face. "You can't just run away and leave your family behind, they're probably worried about you.

"But if I go back Daddy will force me to meet more marriage candidates!" She told him, as she started to get worried about her situation.

"Don't worry about that. You're a smart girl, I'm sure you'll figure it out." Gin again started to make his way home when he heard a sniffle from behind him.

"But… but I tried to figure this out! I don't… know what to do anymore. That's why I've been running away! Daddy doesn't care about what I want… all he cares about is his successor." Tears started to flow down her cheeks as her responsibilities started crashing down on her. She knew it was inevitable and she hated it. Not only did she hate what her father was making her go through, but she was now crying before someone she had started to respect. "Gin-kun! I don't know what to do! Please just tell me what I can-"

She was stopped when she felt a hand being placed on her shoulder. She looked up and saw Gintoki looking down at her with a soft smile on his face. "Let me tell you something Lala. One time there was a kid who would do anything to stay alive; kill, steal, anything bad in order to see the next day. And one day, a kind man came up to him and extended a hand to that boy. He gave the boy a home and taught him how to survive in the world."

Lala listened to the tale Gin was telling her and the emotion in his voice. She could tell that he was referring to himself and he was telling her something very important about his past.

"Now, I thought I should follow that story and extend my hand to you." Gin showed the girl his hand and waited for her to grab onto it. When she did, he tightened his grip and comforted the girl. "You said that your father was looking for a successor?"

The Princess nodded her head, feeling that strange emotion rise inside her again. She never wanted to lose this feeling, it was an euphoric feeling that she never wanted to let go off.

"Here's my plan. I'll pretend to be your fiance, and you don't have to go back to those meetings anymore. Sound good?" Gin asked. He didn't really like the idea at first, considering that the remaining peace in his life would vanish along with it, but he also felt as if it was something he had to do.

"Are... you proposing to me?" Lala asked, her cheeks having a red tint.

"Yeah… but only to fool your father." He tried to make sure she understood that this was just for pretend. He saw the look on her face and he wasn't exactly thrilled to see it directed at him. Girls have never really payed much attention to him, something he blamed on his natural perm.

"I'm flattered, but you're doing it wrong." She told him, shocking the man.

"What do you mean 'I'm doing it wrong'? What do you want from me! To get down on one knee and spill undying love to you!" Gin yelled at the girl who blushed at what she was about to ask him to do, though her smile grew larger.

"On my planet it's customary for the male to grab the female's breasts as a proposal," Gin's hair covered his eyes as he mentally called bullshit on that tradition. Though he couldn't complain about it, the idea was awesome!

"A-and who… made that rule?" He asked, starting to blush as well.

"Daddy did."

' _He's just a big pervert!'_ Gintoki mentally screamed. "Fine! I'll do it!"

And with that, he moved both hands onto the girl's impressive melons and just held them. It was extremely awkward, considering that this was a proposal to the girl. But for some reason it felt right, like they fit perfectly in his hands. Lala was blushing at the contact of Gin's hands on her breasts. She was half tempted to have Peke remove himself from dress form, just so she could feel Gin's hands directly.

"Well! Are you going to say something!" Gin couldn't take it anymore. He wanted someone to do something, he didn't care what it was, as long as it got rid of the atmosphere.

"I accept!" Lala glomped Gin and started crushing him in the tightest hug he ever felt. He could swear that his spin was starting to break. "Gin-kun, I'm so happy! Thank you, thank you thank you!"

"Rito! Tap in!" Gin called out for help but received none. "Lala… please!" Lala finally let go and allowed the man to breath. After a few seconds of deep breaths, Gin finally was able to stand up straight. "All right, let's go. I'm tired."

Gin walked off with Lala clinging to his arm, something he didn't really mind, and made their way back to Yorozuya Gin-Chan. They didn't even notice that they had left something, or someone behind.

' _They completely forgot me!'_ Rito for some reason couldn't find it in him to interrupt their moment. He would feel like a third wheel. The teen decided to leave and make his way home alone, since he did have school the next morning.

' _The King is going to kill me…'_ Zastin mentally screamed from under a pile of burnt metal.

* * *

 **And that is a wrap. If you liked it then don't forget to favorite or leave a reply. And if you have an idea for a job the Yorozuya group could do, make sure to PM me. So that will be all. Ja Ne!**


	3. Lesson 3

**Sorry for the longer wait but it just so happens that planning future arks is a very fun past time. Please be sure to read the author's note at the end of lesson. It involves the future of this story. And without** **further ado we begin the lesson.**

 **I own Everything. Lets see if you believe that.**

* * *

A quick pain shot throughout his head as his consciousness returned to him. The feeling of a terrible headache was the first thing that had awoken him from his sleep followed by the fatigue. If he could do anything at that moment he'd fall back to sleep, but with that annoying lump of gas floating out in space shining down on him it was not possible.

The man turned in his futon as he tried to avoid the rays of death that had encompassed him. Nothing would have worked anyways, nothing ever did. He could always try to get a drink of water or coffee but it didn't help. The honest to God after effect of drinking from heaven's teat was like Hell wiping out it's cock and skull fucking you for the duration of a day.

He didn't want it. But the before is always better then the after. The man tried to remember what the word was that described his predicament. It was a word feared by every man, woman, and teen who wanted to prove they were the shit. He finally remembered what it was.

He had a God damn hangover.

There was no avoiding it. He was going to feel like shit for awhile, no avoiding it. Maybe he could stop drinking altogether…

"Fuck that!" Gintoki shot up from his futon followed by the man placing a hand on his forehead. The sudden movement of sitting up had made his headache much worse, and yelling didn't help him either.

He blearily looked around his room as he tried to remember what he was doing last night. In a rush of images the memories of the night returned to him at full force, giving him another headache. Still… Gin could barely believe that there was life asides from on Earth. It all seemed unreal, just like him now currently living with the princess of the entire galaxy.

That thought alone gave him one of the worse headaches he had ever felt. Usually if he had met someone of royalty he would have acted like any other common peasant. But Lala just didn't give off an air of royalty.

Gintoki sighed as he leaned back on his foton, thinking about what he should do that day. Imagine his surprise when his hand landed on something softer than his pillow. A soft moan was released as sweat started poor down his face. He could make out a distinct shape of a person underneath his blanket along with pink hair sticking out from underneath said blanket.

Gintoki pulled back the sheet only to be meet by the sleeping face of his house guest. He stared in horror as her uncovered pale skin seemed to shine in the morning light. Gin wasn't sure what she was doing but he was honestly afraid. He hadn't taken the girl to be _that_ type but all evidence was pointing to it.

The natural permed man was no longer pure for he was molested in his sleep by an alien princess. He naturally thought of calling the cops and having the girl arrested for her crimes but noticed that he was fully dressed...

"I can't accept this! No, no, no! My purity was taken before I could give it away! I'll never be able to get married now let alone show my face to anyone ever again!" Gintoki was yelling as he moved to the other room as fast as he could. "9-1-1! Dammit this is Japan, that's right!"

The door to his room slid open behind him and out walked the still naked Lala, Peke being held in her arms. She was to busy rubbing the sleep out of her eyes to notice the panicked expression on the man's face as he raced to remember the number.

"Is it 1-1-9 or 1-1-0! Wait, do I call the police or an ambulance if I was molested!" Gin struggled to figure things out as Lala tiredly moved her way over to the older man. "It's 1-1-9 then!"

Gintoki could hear the line ring for a minute before someone picked up. He was going to make it!

"1-1-9 what is your medical emergency?" A female voice answered over the phone.

"Yes! I need help! I was molested in my sleep and I need immediate emotional care," He yelled into the phone as he glanced back at the still somewhat asleep Lala. "Please bring me a blanket, hot cocoa, and a mother's loving whisper of 'it's going to be ok!'"

"..." Gin waited for the response on the other end of the phone hoping that they would hurry. "Men can't be molested sir."

Gintoki had a look of pure disbelief on his face as there was a click followed by some beeps indicating that the connection had ended. He was so distracted that he never noticed Lala walk right up next to him, now fully awake.

"Good morning Gin-kun! Last night was fun!" Lala happily exclaimed, adding to the horror and disbelief that the man already had.

"Fun! How was that fun for me! My innocence is gone, I won't be able to face any of my friends now!" Gin yelled out. Lala stared at him in confusion not exactly understanding what he meant.

"Gin-kun… you have friends?"

Gintoki stopped and stared at her; he thought she was playing around with him, but that comment really slashed his mood completely. She basically questioned him having friends, like it was a weird thing. He can have friends dammit! In fact, He has lots of them.

"Yes Lala I do, there's… um Rito,"

"I thought he just worked for you?"

"..."

Lala watched as Gin took a seat in his chair and let his head slam into the desk. It was quiet for a few minutes, Lala wanting to let him have his peace while Gin sorted through his thoughts. He may have overreacted when he accused Lala of molesting him, she was too innocent. Looking up he saw her know dressed by Peke in that weird alien suit, sitting on the side of his desk watching him.

"Hey Lala… why were you in my futon?" He mind as well ask the girl herself. It confused him when she shot him a curious look before smiling at him.

"Because we're married! People who are married always sleep together, right?" That innocence. Gintoki mentally slapped himself for ever suspecting her of doing something bad. But then again she shouldn't be sleeping in bed with him anyways.

"Lala I told you it was pretend, you don't have to force yourself to sleep with me." Gintoki made it clear that they weren't actually married, right?

"I don't mind." Lala cheerfully chirped causing Gin to slam his head back into the desk. "Why, is it a problem?"

"Of course it is! I'm 12 years older than you! I could be arrested for even insinuating that I slepped with you!"

"Not if you're the next King of the Galaxy."

"Hey, it's pretend."

"You wouldn't even need to rule, I could handle all the political stuff."

"It's pretend, P-R-E-T-E-N-D."

"By the way, how many kids do you want? I'm going to want at least 15."

"I said it's pretend dammit, and 'at least'! Are you planning on raising a circus!"

Gin couldn't handle this, anymore stress and his blood pressure would literally kill him. He already had it bad with all the sugar he eats, that's why he tries to live a stress free life. Now he has to deal with an alien princess who might actually think that they are getting married for real. Does she even know the meaning of pretend?

Before Gin could even think about leaving the building, just so he could be away from the girl, his phone rang. Picking it back up to answer it, he was surprised to hear a voice a fellow visitor of a hostess club.

"Huh? Really, calling me at the last second. Hai, hai, I'll do it. Huh... no payment? Paid in what I see? Short skirts?" Gintoki looked over to Lala who was sitting down on one of his couches now, a kids TV show capturing all of her attention. Gin quickly cupped his mouth and phone with a hand so Lala couldn't hear him. "Can I bring someone with me? Hai, she's a girl. Hai, she'd definitely be _popular_. Okay I'll head over as soon as I can."

Lala was too focused on an Earth show to notice Gin having left the room to get dressed. Before she realized it he had turned off the TV and stood directly in her line of sight.

"We have a job, let's go."

"Okay!" Lala cheered as she followed him out of his home.

 **You Wouldn't Screw An Innocent Child, So Don't Let Entertainment Companies Screw Our Innocent Content.**

Rito couldn't believe his luck. He was not only forcefully dragged into a situation that could very well decide the galaxy's next king, but he was also almost killed by said situation. The night only got worse from there; he hadn't stopped by his house the other day because he goes from school to work since it's an easy walk, so imagine his fear when he walked into a dark house with his sister just sitting in a chair glaring at him. He would rather meet the Devil himself than face Mikan like that ever again. Give the girl a white cat and an eyepatch and she'd be on the road to super villain.

Mikan is a nice girl but she does have her own set of rules. 1: To eat the dinner she cooked you need to be at the table when it's served, no exceptions. 2: Curfew is at the good ol' ripe hour of eight o'clock. 3: If you spend a good portion of the day at a person of the opposite gender's house, make sure the only thing you do is nothing but good christian fun; playing jacks, go fish, hopscotch, or if you want to get a bit evil, the board game 'Sorry'. Rito never understood her third rule.

Of course his day would be bad if he broke all three of those rule; he was late to dinner, didn't make curfew, and he even was naked in the bath with an equally naked girl. Though since there was no messing around it might be fine, at least for him, Gintoki on the other hand…

Yeah. He saw. He saw _everything._ He saw how his boss manhandled the alien princess. Shaking the image from his head Rito tried to find something to do as he waited for the day to start. Most of his class had already arrived and started chatting with each other.

He had made it through the beginning of the day and was currently waiting for their science teacher to arrive and start class. Sadly he was sitting alone at a lab table, staring at his long time crush. Haruna had come up to him at the beginning of the day wondering why he hadn't gone on his vacation. Thanks to Gin's lie he himself had to make up a lie in order to get out of that situation as fast as possible.

He felt like the biggest fool on the planet, after Gintoki of course. Why God? Why couldn't he have been such a better liar! He used the first excuse that came to his mind and most likely ruined his chance at confessing to his crush.

" _You see… we were at the airport and… I um, had to go to the restroom and there was no toilet paper. We ended up missing the flight and I spent most of the night in a bathroom."_

It was the first thing! First thing dammit! Why can't his boss give him better advice like 'don't always go with your first idea'? Oh, thats right! Gin almost always goes with his first idea. ' _Listen here, always make the decision that helps you in the here and now, don't worry about the future. Hurray for short term solutions!'_ Rito could hear Gin's voice mocking him in his head.

His head slammed into his desk unknowingly drawing the attention of the entire class. Haruna looked at the teen who most likely was upset about missing his all expense paid trip vacation. Deciding she would console him, Haruna stood and made her way to him until she stood next to him. Rito was oblivious to the girl's presence behind him and continued to slowly lift his head from the desk and dropping it back down, the repeating sound of banging making its way throughout the classroom.

"Yuuki-kun… are you feeling alright?" The kind girl asked her melancholy classmate. Rito's attention shot towards Haruna as all the blood in his body rushed to his cheeks.

"S-Sairenji-chan! Ah… am I alright?" Rito repeated again before quickly composing himself. "Y-Ya I'm fine. Just… feeling under the weather."

"Because you ruined your only chance to go to the Caribbean?" For some unknown reason he felt like the girl was mocking him. "Or because you slept on a toilet-"

"Nonononono! None of those! It's really... " Rito thought of an excuse that would get him out of this position. "It's because… the teacher! Class should have started and our teacher hasn't arrived yet!"

"Rito's right, where is the teacher?" Diversion is working.

"Probably just running late." It's working.

"Should someone go look for one?" It worked! He is in the clear!

"What was that about Rito spending the night on a toilet?" Ah fuck!

Before he could make a desperate last stand against the dangerous opponent known as judgement, the classroom door opened. Thinking it was the teacher Rito thanked whatever force was helping him, even if it was just a slight nudge of help.

"Hey what are you guys talking 'bout?" Ah fuck! It was his perverted friend Saruyama, Rito completely forgot that he had gone to the bathroom at the beginning of class.

"Rito fell asleep in the girls bathroom." A male classmate spoke up.

"The pervert must've been peeping."

"Where are you getting your information? At least know what you're talking about before making accusations!" The teen couldn't handle anymore. "God please let the teacher come. Please!"

As if answering his plea; the door once again opened to reveal the "teacher" of the class, uncaringly march to the front of the room and stand with his back turned to the class. He began writing something on the chalkboard allowing the students to examine their teacher.

It was a man of about 180 centimeters with pale skin. He was wearing what looked like a white lab coat with a light pink dress shirt and dark red tie underneath, his lower half covered by black dress pants. His silver blue hair was styled in an untamed perm, something that did not go unnoticed by Rito. ' _It's probably a coincidence,'_ the teen thought to himself. As soon as he finished writing on the board he turned to face the class. Rito felt his world collapse around him as the familiar dead fish eyes looked out at the class, the only difference being that he now had a pair of glasses on. He also seemed to have a cigarette between his lips as well.

"Good morning class, my name is Sakata Gintoki… your new substitute teacher," Gintoki introduced himself to the class. "Sometimes."

A few reactions went throughout the class at the sight of their current sub, the guys did not really care while the girls complained about his permed hair. Only two of the students seemed to recognize the man though, one of them knowing him better than the other.

' _It's… that man from last night.'_ Haruna thought as she looked curiously at the teacher.

"GIN-SAN!" Rito exclaimed, his surprise forcing him to stand. "What are you doing here!"

"Oh, Rito-kun is in my class," Gin grabbed a clipboard and pencil and immediately started writing on it. "Yuuki Rito, check. Now, let's start from the beginning of attendance: Abukara Masato-"

"Again, what are you doing here!" Rito again questioned the man. His boss and now teacher sighed as he placed the clipboard and pencil down with exaggerated movements.

"Well, I got a call from Principal-san asking if I could substitute today." He answered truthfully.

"Yuuki-kun do you know this man?" Haruna asked the still surprised teen.

"Yeah… he's my boss." The teen regretfully answered.

"You got another job Rito?" This time Saruyama asked the question gaining the classes attention. "What do you do now?"

"... Odd jobs." Came the, if only in certain situations, ambiguous reply.

"What kind of 'odd job'?" One of Rito's fellow classmates asked.

"Anything, we're freelancers." Gintoki answered for his employee after noticing the tough situation he was being put in.

' _Anything huh.'_ Saruyama thought as he devised the perfect plan, one so perfect that even Gargamel wouldn't waste the opportunity.

"Ah… Sakata-sensei," Haruna raised her hand like a respectful student to gain their sensei's attention. "Is that by any chance a lollipop, or...?"

"No, it's a cigarette."

"Gin-san I don't think you're supposed to smoke on school grounds." Rito told him.

"Oh really now."

"No, I mean like… you're not allowed. Why don't you just suck on a lollipop?"

" _Their_ jurisdiction doesn't reach this far," Gin said as he took a puff on the fag. "4kids can't hurt us here."

The class looked on as their substitute teacher took exaggerated puffs on the cigarette, as if mocking the entertainment company. No one spoke as if there was a rule against it. They all knew the rule, 'don't question it, just let it happen'. There was one question that seemed to bug the orange haired teen.

"How do you even know the principal?" Gin seemed to ponder answering the question or not before just shaking his head.

"Hostess club."

"Makes sense." The class muttered together. They all knew how big of a pervert the principal of the school was, and it was no surprise.

"Now, there is an announcement that needs to be made. As of today we have got a new transfer student," The permed man turned away from the surprised looks of the students and to the door.

"You know that these announcements are given out at the beginning of the day right?" One of the students said.

"You can come in now."

When the door to the room opened a resounding crack was heard as the boy's jaws hit the floor combined with Rito's head hitting his desk. In walked a girl with long pink hair and emerald green eyes, wearing the standard girl uniform for Sainan High.

"Hiya! My names Lala Deviluke please take care of me." The guys and girls alike gushed at Lala's cuteness while Rito had a mental panic attack. He should have suspected that the girl would be nearby, after last light she wouldn't just leave Gin's side for no reason.

"Okay, now can someone tell me where you left off." Gin asked as Lala still stood at his side.

"We were supposed to dissect frogs today." Saruyama informed the man who only nodded and looked around the room. _Coincidentally_ Rito didn't have a partner to work with.

"Lala-kun you can go join Rito-kun." That comment was met with outrage.

"WHAT!"

"You can partner her with me!" Saruyama quickly announced. His partner did not accept that news well.

"Traitor! How could you!"

"Beautiful pink haired foreign girls before bros, you know the rhyme."

"That doesn't even rhyme!"

The class went into an uproar while Rito showed Lala what they were doing. Gintoki was watching the class with a bored look in his eyes, it might end up being a long day for him. Unknown to the class there was a tall green man peering into the room through the door's window. However a certain permed man had noticed from the corner of his eye. ' _Is that some kind of cross species child of Ryuk and a Saibaman?"_ Gintoki thought as the creature left the scene almost as quickly as it appeared. "Class I'll be stepping out for a bit."

Gin quickly entered the hall and looked around for the Ryubaman. He was surprised to see the small fat body of the principal being dragged around a corner, deciding that that was the direction the supposed alien went Gin followed.

[]}-{[]}-{[][]}-{[]}-{[][]}-{[]}-{[][]}-{[]}-{[]

Rito and Lala had noticed Gin leave but just shrugged it off as him being bored and not wanting to watch them fail at something so simple like dissecting a frog. The class wasn't even doing the lab; all the guys were busy fighting over who got to be Lala's partner and who should be allowed to take Lala's _first_ , something Rito wished he hadn't heard. Only Rito's group and the girl groups seemed to be working… mostly.

"Rito look!" Rito looked over towards the girl who was smiling like it was christmas morning. "It's Gin-chan!"

Rito had to hold in his laughter when he saw Lala holding up the frog's carcass, it's eyes having that dead look, because it was actually dead. She was maneuvering the frog's arm towards it's nose and made a digging motion with it. Rito found it very hard to not laugh while also finding the act insulting.

"Lala you better stop!" Lala looked at the boy funnily. She thought that it was funny, did Rito not? He was laughing so she assumed that it was funny. "The frog's already dead, there's reason to subjugate it to Gin's lifestyle. It's degrading to the frog."

The two teens started laughing harder without any care of the surrounding fighting, and to the set of eyes watching them. Sairenji Haruna looked at the two with a mixture of emotions; curiosity and jealousy. To her it seemed like the two were already acquainted and the way they talked about their new substitute, it was like they were all friends. Deciding that her curiosity wouldn't be quelled the purple haired girl decided to go ask questions, one being how they met.

"Yuuki-kun," Rito's head snapped towards the direction he had heard his name to see that Haruna had moved over to his and Lala's table. "You don't mind if sit here, do you?"

"N-no of c-course not!" Rito quickly responded. Lala noticed that the teen got flustered when he looked at the girl. She couldn't help but want to help Rito out with his predicament.

"Hi there!" Lala gave her best smile as the girl sat across from them. "My name's Lala, what's yours?"

"Sairenji Haruna…" The girl felt a bit put off by the other girl's forwardness but felt a bit at ease by her kindness. "It's nice to meet you."

"S-so Sairenji-san what d-did you want to talk about?" The teen felt like he was going to flood the room. If the class noticed didn't matter because he did. His sweat was coming out faster than that gay Canadian singer. What was his name? Ah shit, he had a… um… a bowl haircut at one point and is an asshole to every one. Bustin Jieber? Ya that's it!

"I just was wondering if you two know each other." Haruna asked. Rito for some reason felt like the situation had went from: ah it's okay, to, I mind as well kill myself and save life the hassal.

"Um… we-"

"Yep! Rito and I met last night." Rito's head slowly turned towards the pink haired girl, cranking noises could be heard the entire time. Lala stared back at Rito who had a mixture of horror, anger, hate, regret, and annoyance written on his face. All in all it just didn't look natural.

"Lala."

"Yes."

"We just met."

"No we didn't." Lala chuckled at Rito's accusation while the boy again slowly turned back to Haruna.

"We just met."

"We met in the bath." Rito's head made a sickening crack as it spun around to meet with Lala's smiling face.

"No-"

"At Gin-chan's place."

"No-"

"And then _the_ two men restrained me and no matter how hard I fought-"

"No. No! No, Lala no! No! Noooooooooooooooo! Nononononono! That is not how it happened!" Rito yelled out with a blushing red face. He could admit that a naked Lala was a very amazing sight to behold, but he needed to forget that image. Haruna was the only girl for him.

"But that is how it happened!" Lala whined not liking how the boy was lying to the girl.

"That's not how I remember it." Rito deflected.

"Oh. Then how do you remember it?" Rito couldn't believe what he was seeing, Lala barely knew Gin for a whole day and she is not only 'marrying' him but is also picking up some of his habits. Her eyes had went half lidded as her face went emotionless. There was one thing Rito knew for sure, Gin had way too much influence over Lala. How is that possible? Maybe because he was the one who offered her a way out of her situation. Or maybe because of her sudden infatuation with the man. Who knows…

"Gin mentioned something about you…" Rito said lamely.

"So Deviluke-san knows Sensei?" The two turned back to Haruna who had stayed silent as they argued.

"That's right." Lala answered while Rito nodded his head, he was glad that Lala hadn't said anymore than was necessary. "We're getting married."

"Wha-"

"Lala!"

"WHAT!"

Rito covered his ears as the male population screamed out in rage. They seemed to have been listening in on their conversation and had now made it known. He mentally cursed himself for not expecting that while Haruna looked at the girl in shock.

"Lala you know you can't say that here!" Rito hurriedly whispered to her.

"Eh? Oh, that's right!" She turned to look back at the class who stared at her with wide eyes. "It's P-R-E-T-E-N-D, got it?"

"Miss Deviluke." The class was broken out of their shock to see that the principal had entered the room, a wicked smile on his lips. "Would you please come with me."

"Okay!" Lala got up and followed the fat man out the door and down the hall.

"Ah dammit." Rito mumbled as he watched the perverted principal take Lala out of the room. He didn't know what he wanted but it had to do with something very perverted. Not to mention that smile, it meant nothing good.

"... Ah dammit." It took Rito a few seconds to realize that Lala might be in danger, so he quickly got up from his seat and went to follow the two down the hall.

[]}-{[]}-{[][]}-{[]}-{[][]}-{[]}-{[][]}-{[]}-{[]

Rito had followed the two for a short while until they had entered a room. As Rito approached the door he looked at it in shock and fear. It was a place he had never been to in the school and it terrified him to think about why the principal would take Lala to this place. He contemplated going in while still looking at the sign. Why did they have to come here! Why! Why the girl's restroom!

Rito shook his head to rid any of the bad thoughts as he put a hand on the door. Hesitation kicked in as he felt himself start to shake.

"Screw the consequences!" He shoved open the door and was met with the strangest of sights. A tall green alien was hovering over a nervous looking Lala, the creature had the girl backed into a corner. The sound of the door opening drew the attention of the two aliens.

"Rito!"

"Occupied!" The creature hissed out while Rito acted on instinct.

"I'm so sorry!" He quickly shut the door and had placed his back on it.

"You're usually supposed to be on the other side of the door!" The creature yelled at the teen who faced palmed at that embarrassing moment.

"Hi Rito!" Lala waved to him with a smile on her face.

"Lala what's going on?" Why was the girl taking the situation so lightly. She seemed nervous before so what changed? Was it that she was with a friend now.

"This guy here his Ghi Bree, he's a Balkean." Lala introduced the two like it was normal.

"And also one of Lala-sama's fiance candidates." Rito was shocked to hear the voice of Peke. Upon inspection of Lala's figure he saw a little hair clip with some features of Peke, resting on Lala's head.

"What Peke! You're here too!" Rito asked.

"What do you mean 'here too'? I've always been here!" Peke yelled at the teen who just avoided the robot's gaze. "Wait! You haven't noticed me!"

"To be fair you're just a background character." The teen replied.

"Background character!"

"Get out of here human! This has nothing to do with you." The lizard Ghi Bree said. Rito quickly made his way in front of Lala, standing between the two aliens.

"I think it is." The brave-ish Rito has returned! "Lala is my friend and I'm not going to let you take her."

"That's right! I already decided to stay here with Gin-chan and Rito, so go away Ghi Bree!" Lala declared which just pissed the alien off, and she knew that.

"But you already belong to me." The lizard said.

"Come on now." Ghi Bree felt someone put a hand on his shoulder, slightly shocking him. "Young ladies aren't owned by anyone. They move with the wind not giving a care in the world about their actions. If you were to 'own' a lady you'd only end up taking responsibility for their mistakes."

"Gin-san!"

"Gin-kun!"

"Who the hell are you!" Ghi Bree yelled as he looked into the man's eyes. He couldn't tell if he was dangerous or not.

"Gintoki, Lala's fiance." Ghi Bree felt anger boil up inside him at hearing that. The three watched as Ghi Bree turned to face the silver haired man and started to grow in size. His muscles bulged as he grew taller until he was a head higher than Gintoki.

"It looks like I'll just have to take her from you." Ghi Bree growled out.

"Ya'know that steroids will only cause your penis to shrink." Gintoki said as he looked at the alien unimpressed.

"Gintoki-dono!"

"Hmm? Oh, Peke is here to." The man said as he noticed Lala's hair clip.

"What do you mean by 'here to'!" Peke yelled at the man.

"It's just that you're a background character whose only purpose is to cover Lala's pudenda." Peke felt like he was not even important anymore.

"I-I see. Ghi Bree's kind are very fragile so do with that as you will." Peke said in a monotone voice.

"The fragile one here is you!" Rito yelled at the hair clip.

"Gin-kun, Peke meant that Ghi Bree is nothing more than," Lala said as Ghi Bree started to fear for his situation. "An annoying fly on the wall."

"Oh? Fragile you say? A fly you say?" Gin looked back at the now cowering alien. Ghi Bree looked pathetic, his large bulking form starting to shake in fear of the now grinning Gintoki. "Isn't that just sad."

"P-Please d-don't hurt m-me! I'll leave! I'll never come back I swea-" Ghi Bree was interrupted as he was smacked across the face with a toilet seat.

"What! Gin-san where did you get that!" Rito asked not realizing that the man had quickly went into one of the stalls and retrieved the object.

"Go Gin-kun!" Lala cheered with a small flag in her hand, Gintoki's face printed on the middle of it.

"What! Lala where did you get that!" Rito again asked but this time there was no reasoning to where the girl could have possible gotten that.

"I printed it." Lala said as she quickly held up a few more. "I made copies!"

"Where did you print these from!" Lala pointed back towards Gin and once again shocked Rito. Gin was standing over a beaten and bloody form of Ghi Bree, a printer held in his hands with blood staining its sides.

"WHAT!"

Gintoki looked at the alien beneath him with a sickened expression on his face, he quickly spat to the side as he watched Ghi Bree shrink to the size of a stuffed animal. "Just, die."

"What the hell is happening today!" Rito yelled to the sky.

[]}-{[]}-{[][]}-{[]}-{[][]}-{[]}-{[][]}-{[]}-{[]

"Zastin, what is it? Where is Lala?" A deep voice asked as Zastin kneeled before a screen in a darkly lit room.

"We failed to recover her your majesty, two Earthlings were protecting her."

"You lost to these Earthlings?" The King asked as Zastin shook his head.

"No your majesty! Lala-sama had used one of her inventions and defeated me and my men." The swordsman admitted.

"Zastin… your mission is to bring Lala back."

"And I plan to do so your majesty!"

"Good, because if you can't bring her back…" The screen flickered as the call began to end. "I will."

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed the chapter. If you did be sure to leave a review and favorite the story. And remember to PM me if you have any ideas for odd jobs.**

 **Author's Note: The story is a Gintama and To Love-Ru crossover, everyone who reads this knows that. Everyone who reads this should also know that this is nothing like the other To Love-Ru stories. Considering I'm just using the characters and location of the universe there is only so much I can do with that without having to delve into other themes, like major battle arcs. This is supposed to be a romantic comedy with some action.**

 **And to point out that the thing really introduced by To Love-Ru was the title _Harem King_. Now what kind of person would I be if I just didn't use that to my advantage. That's right! The type that has their own ideas. Except not. No other characters from the To Love-Ru or Gintama universe will be used in this harem aside from Lala and (secret until later have fun guessing). So that being said I'll be using at most 18 different characters, excluding Lala and ****(secret until later have fun guessing), from different anime/manga. You can guess and I'll let you know when you've guessed right. So for now...**

 **1.) Lala**

 **2.) Mysterious Gintama Character**

 **Are on the board. 18 left so get to guessing.**

 **If you're upset that this will be somewhat of a multi-crossover, don't be. From the beginning I had my own agenda with using other characters. Just remember that it will all still mainly be centered around Gintoki, Rito and Lala.**

 **See you all in the next lesson.**

 **Ja Ne**


	4. RETURN CHAPTER!

"Gin-san, Lala-chan! Are you guys up yet?"

"Ah~! Hentai… enough with the noise… who wakes up this early anyways?"

"Apparently… some shut in Hentai who spends his days fantasizing about Haruna. Jeez, at least wait until the afternoon."

"Why are you making me look like the odd one here, It's been nearly 4 months!"

"Yeah so SHADDUP."

"Gin-chan I'm hungry~ it feels like I missed 363 meals already."

"No duh dummy! You've slept through almost a whole quarter of the year!"

"Gin-chan! Please tell the virgin to stop yelling!"

"You're the one that's yelling now, Gin-san do something about this girl!"

"Shut up! No one wants to hear your voice so early!"

"Again, it's been 4 months!"

"Gin-chan!"

"Gin-san!"

"GIN-chan!"

"GIN-san!"

"GIN-"

"I SAID SHADDUP! YOU'RE TO DAMN LOUD!"

"Rito started it!"

"Lala, what the hell!"

"Waltzing in here, bringing all this drama!"

"The moment you took shelter in _my_ home, there has been nothing but drama!"

"Please, a dirty old man like you probably enjoys having such a beautiful maiden like me under the same roof."

"Like hell I would enjoy it."

"You do don't you, I never would have thought that our Gin-chan was also a hentai."

"Don't turn this conversation onto me."

"Gin-chan, Gin-chan! If you're lucky, tonight I'll allow you to have some strawberry milk."

"That… that actually doesn't sound to bad."

"It's not the kind of strawberry milk you think… yes?"

"THAT'S FREAKING DISGUSTING, AND WHAT WAS WITH THE DELAYED 'YES' AT THE END!? IS THAT AN ACCENT OR ARE YOU JUST TRYING TO PISS ME OFF!?"

"Lala-chan that can't even be described as an sexual innuendo!"

"Don't describe it as anything, I just want to end this conversation now before our Fanfiction gets pulled!"

"I'm-"

"Coming out? It was about time, your Haruna obsession must've been your last depressing attempt at being normal."

"Where the hell did that come from!? Gin-san why is Lala-chan so harsh today!?"

"Probably because SOMEBODY interrupted my beauty sleep."

"...Gin-san the reason I came over was to tell you that we've been brought back."

"Wait, what does that mean?"

"We're being pulled out of hiatus."

"Does that mean more terrible writing?"

"Have you been reading this so far?"

"What about our comedy? Will it be alright?"

"Let's just hope our audience doesn't get their hopes up."

"Please don't tell me this is going to be changed into a genderbent fanfic, or a yaoi. The site must have enough of those by now."

"A female Gin-chan… that gives me a great idea!"

"Lala. Don't."

"Well it's good to see you two in high spirits. As an extra bit of news, it seems that it's going to be a multi-crossover."

"Does the author want to ruin his reputation?"

"Don't go knocking it until you've read it Lala, it might beat your expectations."

"It would also appear to be a 'Gintoki x multi-harem' fanfiction."

"Hey, what the hell does the author think he's doing!? Can he seriously go whoring me out like that!?"

"Calm down Gin-chan, don't knock it until you try it."

 **Gintoki's Love Interests**

 **Gintoki x ?**

 **Gintoki x ?**

 **Gintoki x ?**

 **Gintoki x ?**

 **Gintoki x Lala**

"Hey, what the hell is this!?"

"It looks like a short list for your love interests, Gin-san."

"Ya! I knew Gin-chan loved me!"

"Wha… NO! That's not it Lala!"

"Yes it is you pedo perm! You probably wait till I'm asleep to think of me like that. What, can't wait to taste the sweet strawberry that is _your_ Lala?"

"Now Lala-chan, give Gin-san some time to explain himself…"

 **Gintoki x Rito**

"EXPLAIN NOW!?"

"Gin-chan, you said it wouldn't be a yaoi!"

"N-now hold up… H-Hentai there's n-no need to look at m-me like that."

"Pedo perm, stay back! I'm saving myself for Haruna-chan!"

"You've got it wrong! Hey author, erase it right now!"

 **Gintoki x ?**

"There, much better."

"How is that better!? That's definitely less **?** than the other 4; there is less than 6 now, 2 were removed! It's still definitely my name, switching it with **?** isn't changing anything! Get rid of it completely, dammit!"

 **Gintoki x Mikan**

"NEVER!"

"Gin-chan and Mikan? That wouldn't make a bad fanfiction."

"Yes it would! Gin-san don't you think of… what the hell are you wearing!?"

"What? You said I was going to have a harem, right? If it's going to be forced on me, mind as well look good for all my honey's."

"Even if you dress up like a bachelor, I won't recognize you… old man."

"Please Lala _chan,_ it's all destiny, so there is no need to fight it. Just remember; no matter how many honey's I get, you'll always be _my_ little Lala _chan_."

"Gin-chan… I chose you."

"Why the hell are you handing him a rose!? This has gotten out of hand, just start it, just start the damn fanfiction!"

 **To Love-Gin**

 **A long time ago in a galaxy far far away…**

"Stop! That is definitely copyright infringement!"

"Rito, just let it start."

"Yeah, nobody likes a return chapter that lasts for too long."

"This has been more of an advertisement, nothing about the next chapter was even explained!"

"Just give the author time, he probably is just saving his ideas for the next one."

"That's right! Now start the show!"

 **(*START OF DRUMMING*)**

"Now what the hell is that!? It's giving me a goddamn headache!"

"Gin-chan, make it stop! My ears are starting to bleed."

"Just let the autistic enjoy the beat for a few more moments."

"Hey! Don't go making fun of a group of people like that, do you want to get killed, bastard!?"

"Hentai, it's 2017 now; in America they protest about anything, and they're doing just fine."

"No they're not! Their country is being ripped apart at the seams, everyone is against everything!"

"Then don't go sweating the small stuff."

 **20th**

 **Century**

 **Fox**

"DO YOU WANT TO GET SUED!?"

"STOP YELLING, SINCE WHEN HAS GINTAMA EVER CARED ABOUT COPYRIGHTS!? WE'LL JUST CHANGE IT UP SO NOBODY COMPLAINS! Lala!"

"Yes?"

"Change it."

 **20'th**

 **Century**

 **Fox**

"CHANGE WHAT!? ALL YOU DID WAS ADD A ' TO IT!"

"Gin-chan! Rito doesn't appreciate my work!"

"Well he has a right to be mad, you did forget something."

"Ah… oh! That's right, thanks Gin-chan!"

 **20'thst**

 **Century**

 **Fox** c

"Better?"

"Better."

"Don't go claiming it as yours, at least change it more!"

 **20'thst**

 **Century**

 **Sux**

"There, is it to _your_ standards, Rito _kun_."

"Just give it up already, there is no way you can change it so it doesn't look like the Fox logo!"

 **Paramount**

 **/\**

 **/ \**

 **/ \**

 **/ \**

 **A Yorozuya Company**

"Hey, it changed completely! It's a totally different studio now!"

"How?"

"What the hell do you mean by 'how', it's obvious that it's supposed to be the Paramount Studio's logo!"

"No it's not, it says 'A Yorozuya Company' not whatever fake name you said."

"Plus there are no stars and it's not a mountain so…"

"Can you guys please just stop, our readers aren't going to like such a long return chapter that has no purpose."

"Then let's just start."

"Begin!"

 **Chapter End**

 **Story will officially re-begin in the next chapter.**

"THEN WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS RETURN CHAPTER FOR!?"

"GIN-SAN WE'VE BEEN PLAYED! Someone broke in and stole all our stuff!"

"Peke! Gin-chan, Gin-chan… they took… they took her! They took Peke!"

"Dammit! Okay the next chapter will have to wait until we get back all my stuff!"

"Sic um Gin-chan."

"GET THE HELL BACK HERE YOU BASTARD!"


End file.
